| It's been a while since I've written in this but I need to tonight. I've been in FL now for about 10 months and have been loving it but at the same time it's been hard. I miss my family and miss my friends alot of them are in college now, and we're all starting to grow up and our lives are changing. :( I was talking to my bestfriend tonight, the one that I've been in love with since the first day i met her. i still remember it too walkin into truetts class sitting behind her telling loewy how amazing she was and how much i wanted to be with her. four years later we are best of friends we've been through thick and thin but still are closer than ever. but i can't let go of my luv for her. Tonight she's destroyed me though, being the friend i am i was there to help her and was told somtin that emotionally destroyed me... I lost the chance at any thing, I dreamt the day when i could hold her in my arms and she'd look and me and tell me she loved me. But with each passing day my heart grows weaker knowing that will never happen. I've had loves since the day we've met but none of them have touched me like she has and I just don't know what to do. I want her to be happy but with each of her passing b/f its hurts me to know shes not happy and confuses me even more. I just want an answer but I dunno if I can handle the answer that says to let it go b/c letting her go just doesn't feel right and its eating me up inside. I'm sorry to those that are reading this I don't mean to burden you wit my problems just needed to vent a lil I'll post again soon
Goodnight
Ed | comments: Leave a comment   |
| Well this weekend was ok... it was nice to have a weekend off for once. Didn't do too much though.
Fri... threw a party at my place we drank alot then went bowling then we cam back and drank and got to watch vampires get killed on TV good stuff.
Sat... I went to the air port and got my pool stick back YAY fuckin bastard lost it for two weeks and they call me and are like "oh we found your stick drive her and get it b/c we're assholes". so i did then i went to the millenia mall. WOW can you say rich ppl mall. It was really nice, then took a drive down international drive to some more shops just to hang out. then cam back home for a while.
Sat night... Went over to TT's house and got my self stupid drunk wit a bunch or animators. It was good time, Jason had left at one point and brought back a bunch of strangers and they hung out wit us for a while. Then i came home only to meet up wit one of my neighbors and drink some more and go to sleep like 2.
Sun... Didn't acomplish much today.. Mike never got ready so we didn't go grocery shopping. I cleaned my room so i got a lil somtin done. And i got to spend most of the day talkin to a great girl. Justine if you read this i had a great time today wit you and i hope to have many more with you... I can't wait till next wekend :) | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| THIS WORKED FOR ME! try it and comment back:)
1. Write the name of a person of the opposite
sex.
2. Which is your favorite color out of red,
black, blue, green, yellow?
3. Your first initial?
4. Your month of birth?
5. Which color do you like more, black or white?
6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
7. Your favorite number?
8. Do you like California or Florida more?
9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more?
10. Write down a wish. (A realistic one).
WHEN YOU'RE DONE, SCROLL DOWN
(DON'T
CHEAT)
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THE ANSWERS
1. You are completely in love with this person.
2. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of
love.
Black - You are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid
back.
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses
and
affection from the ones you love.
Yellow- you are a very happy person and give
good advice to those who are down.
3. If your initial is:
A-K You have a lot of love and friendships in
your life.
L-R You try to enjoy your life to the maximum
and your love life is
soon to blossom.
S-Z You like to help others and your future love
life looks very good.
4. If you were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for you and
you will discover that you fall in love with
someone totally unexpected.
April-June: You will have a strong love
relationship that will not last long but the
memories will last forever.
July-Sep: You will have a great year and will
experience a major life changing experience for
the good.
Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great,
but eventually you will find your soul mate.
5. If you chose...
Black: Your life will take on a different
direction, it will seem hard at the time but
will be the best thing for you, and you will
be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely
confides in you and would do anything for you,
but you may not realize it.
6. This person is your best friend.
7. This is how many close friends you have in
your lifetime.
8. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
9. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and to your
love. And you are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please
people.
10. This wish will come true only if you RE-
POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour., and it will come
true before your next birthday | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Ok so it's like 11:20 at night and I'm sitting in class. I finished all my work but they're making me sit here till 1:00 so i thought now would be a good time to update my journal. I'm in the second month of classes and it's goin good, I did good in my first two classes so I'm confident right now i'll do good.
Ok so Kris is sittin next to me and she keeps tellin me about her relations to her guitar and it's weirding me out. But she's good times. We're gonna build an acoustic guitar out of mahogany wood. lol
Ok back to life... So I've become a drunk (not an alcohilic... not seeking help). We've been here for almost two months and we have drank like 20 bottles of liquor not to mention all the beer. It's great down here though, cigarettes are dirt cheap i'm spending 3.50 for cigs that cost 7.50 in NY, :) and i've met mad ppl while I'm down here. Like Kris wit her sexual quitar experiences. Or my building neighbors P & Josh that sit on our patio like it's a bus stop. Or Rob and Paul that take us out To the gun range to shoot things, Or chance and Shing that lock them selves out of their apartment and come over to out house to hang out instead. Or that lady that crashed into the mailman and blamed it on him.
ok it's now 12 and i've barley written any thing but i'm tired now and i got another hour to go so I'm goin back to BS'in wit Kris. I'll write more anotha time Peace out cub scout | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I havn't had a real post in here for a while now. So I'll give u the scoop. I work for Harry and David's now, its a gormet store for everyone thats never heard of it. It's a chill job, i sell stupid shit mad easy but I like it. I'm drivin me an 87' Nissan 300Z classic but a bute.
Since the accident my life has changed alot, I first lost my car, then I had to quit my job, lost alot of people I called friends, and things seemed to have been goin down hill. Life was suckin and I was mad depressed. But you know what it was all for the best.
Now I have a job, I have a car, and I know who my true friends are, I believe everything happens for a reason, and this happened as a reborning, I'm completly different now, things seemed to be alot clearer now and I'm just happier now, i still got soem bullshit in my life but its ok b/c everyone does. But its a whole new ball game.
I'm shoppin around right now for a motorcycle, so if ne one knows of someone selling a streetbike, give me a heads up, preferable like a 600 nuttin too big. i'm gettin shit together for school. I'll be leaving in august to go down to florida, get my show productions degrees and start my life for the future to come. I hope that with me leavin things, will change b/c I just need to start over fresh. Just a whole new life style b/c stayin around here is keepin too much of the highschool in me and i can't do it ne more.
I care alot about my friends around here though, my best friend doesn't seem to have his act straight... not carin about his future says he has a plan for himself and goin no where with it. My other friend is livin his life in the clouds (literally), but is doin good for himself. One of my boys, i dunno, he just all kinds of screwed up, but i think soon enough he'll figure out that the road's infront of him he just needs the will to take it. A couple of my girls are gettin themselves into some trouble, but i know they're smart and will straighten themselves out with a lil inspiration and guidence. And me i'm just caught up in it all. But you know what w/o any of them i wouldn't be here today and I love them all. Well it's about 11 now and i'm gonna crash i gotta do the grown up thing tommorrow. Every one be good be safe and be true to yourselves. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Doin good | | Time: | 08:33 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif) loved |
|
| Yea so my life is starting to turn around now and goin alot better. First off I'm goin out with the most amazing girl in the world. Jamie I'm so happy that we're trying us out, and hope we stay together till hell or high water.
Me and izzy are friends again. I don't know if her and i will ever be bestest bestfriends like we used to, but def happy that we're atleast talkin to each other and making some attemp to be close. I don't know if i could live w/o her loosing her is like loosing my sister, lifes just not the same.
I'm still working on getting a job and getting a new car but I'm really close and excited about it.
The only negative in my life is that I thought Julianne and i were friends but we've been havin alot of problems latley and we're not talkin any more. It suxs too b/c I'm in love with her but she doesn't see it and just pushes me away, but i have no regrets in not bein with her either. I just dunno. Oh well goin out will write more tommorrow. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Today started off sucky... didn't really do anything, sat at home fixing shit up around the house. Then I started talkto Jamie. Jamie I've known you for a while and I know now that u and I are gonna be great friends forever. I already know shes gonna make a difference in my life. Other than that life still sucks. No job, no car, but an amazing friend. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Why? | | Time: | 06:04 pm |
|
| Ok so its like 6:00 or somthing and I had made plans with this girl for tommorrow on Monday and now all of a sudden she has a sweet 16 to go to. She says we're friends and stuff but never has time for me, always making up bullshit excuses not to hang out. You know who you are so don't try to prentend. Don't want me to get mad at you then be a real friend.
Me and Izzy ar still not talking. She's decided to let me go so this will prob be the last time u hear about her. B/c i granting her her wish and letting every thing we had go. I was the one who fucked up and ruined every thign we had, and it suxs for me, but she's happy and i have to except that.
Checking out a '79 Monte Carlo, sexy car, hopefully I'll get it. We'll see what happens
So preety much my life is fucked up. No friends, no car, no job, no money. Changes will happen soon for the better or worse only time will tell. Till then we'll see what happens | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Life suxs | | Time: | 10:51 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/confused.gif) confused |
|
| OK so yea shit suxs right now, and i'm not in a good mood, but gotta update so pepople know whats going on. Monday morning i was driving to work and i crashed my car. Slid off the road on seven springs through some grass and landed head first into a ditch, the whole front is crushed. And my head went into the windsheild. My entire leftside of my face is all cut up and shit. But it happened for a reason, b/c everything happens for a reason.
(pics of my car- http://community.webshots.com/user/space5200 )
Me and Izzy are at it again. I think this time we are officially not friends anymore, which really suck b/c i need her now most of all. I need my best friend and I can't have her.
This is going to be my time of change. This accident will change my entire life. For better or worse only time will know. With this accident i realize who my real friends are, and start my path to the rest of my life. I just don't know any more :( | | comments: Leave a comment |
| Yea haven't updated in a while, so now is better than never. As nobody has realized I don't work at McD's ne more. I had some problems with some stuff, and lets say I was pursuaded to leave. Some people had a problem wit me and brought it to work and b/c of my postion i was made to be in the wrong, and McD's didn't like that. Whatever though.
I'm tired of people who choose to fuck u over. I'm tired of people who say they gonna hang out wit you so u wait around for them and then they decide to make some bullshit lie so they can go hang out wit someone else. I'm tired of people who say they your friend, your best friend, and when shit's the worst in your life and can use them they aren't around for you, but when they're b/f DUMPS them ur still there for them. I'm tired of people who lead you to believe that there is somtin between u two and then go and fuck ur neighbor. I'm tired of bein hurt, i'm tired of bein there for everyone and gettin nuttin in return, I'm tired of fightin, I'm tired of life................. I WISH for death.
What do we live for ?? Money?? Fun?? Happiness?? LOVE?? We live so we can die. So whats the reason for life. So I can feel pain, and sorrow, to have my heart crushed. It's not worth it. | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | SUXS | | Time: | 10:05 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) crappy |
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| Yea it's Sun night and I feel like shit but I'm pissed nd need to vent. I haven't updated this in a while. So i had to fukin work this weekend and I'm crazy sick, went to the doctors this morning adn he told me not to go to work or i'll die and what did i have to do, go to work b/c they "needed" me. GOD Dammit.
Stupid me i started likin one of my friends. Shit got bad bout some stuff and we had some crazy ass fight. Then her fukin friends start shit wit me and stuff. Theres gonna be a carzy fight soon.
The mob squad is gone. Well they still together I'm just not part of them ne mores. Jamie hate mem, some shit about her sweatshirt i think. Erin is sick of me and never wants to see me. and Izzy is tired of bein my friend and just choose to get mad at me for everything i say. My only friend left is the one who never talks to me. Thanks for still bein there allie.
Got into a crazy accident and totalled my car. flipped it then rolled it. $20,000 gone. Wasted. Lost my love nd my life.
I asked my self whats the reason for life, the only reason is to await death, so why bother waitin? The past two weeks nothin has shown me a reason for life. I 've lost everythin and i think it's time to go, and start over somewhere new. that or just end it all. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| I stole this ides from a friend of mine who stole it from god...
I want my friends to post theirs memories of me in my journal. Ne one who is posting anonymus please put ur name at the end. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Hold On (good charlotte) | | Subject: | Life Update | | Time: | 11:08 am | | Current Mood: | crushed |
|
| Give you a better update on this weekend.
Friday was a good night went to see the punisher with a bunch of ppl. We had 15 seats in the theater. After we did that we just chilled and hung out then I went home and crashed.
Sat morning I washed my car and made it all sexy like. then loewy came down ans we had gotten ready for JR prom. Went to Jamies house for pics nd stuff then we went ova to the prom. prom was alot of fun saw mad ppl there that I knew, Danced alot wit Dominique she so much fun :). After prom we all went to Hilary's house nd hung out there for a lile but Izzy, Hilary, and Allie were too busy havin sex with their guys so a few of us left. Jon, Jamie, Erin , Christina, and Loewy ended up back at my house wit me. Were we ended up hangin out and dinkin. Alot of good fun, we all crashed and then woke up like three hours later for 6 flags.
Sun I drove jon home, made it to vailsgate and back to the HS in like 20 min. Dropped off the grls and then went back home had some breakfast and shit then left for 6 flags. Met up with all ogf them down there and had an awsome time. rode some roller coasters had some eats, some water fights, and got to talkin wit my buddy. We had went off from the group and talked for like an hour. Got to realizing alot shit while talkin to her. Got back home early and i took home erin and christina. I hung out with izzy for a lil while before i took her home and got to talkin more about us. I deicided that we needed time apart from each other. She's the best thing in my life and w/o her I feel empty but at the same time I cause too many problems in her life. Right now she doesn't see it but in time she'll see that w/o me her life will be sooo much better.
Mon I had to go to work and found a rock through my tire. then while doing 65 through the commons and Tom Falser saw me and was yelling at me, Preety damn funny did the work thing till 6 cut out then met up wit my machanic and ordered me some new stuff for my car. Came home had some dinner then BS'ed on AIM. Had some assholes starting shit wit me but w/e fuck them.
Haven't done ne thing yet today but i'm gonna go hit the shower and get ready. I'll be back on lata | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | A LOST SOUL | | Time: | 01:18 am | | Current Mood: | depressed |
|
| This weekend is going to be a weekend I'll never forget. I went to junior prom Sat night with Allie and the hung out with the mob squad, then went to Hilary's, and then went back to my house, were Erin and I slept together :P . Sun I went to Six flags with all of them and had a blast, alot of fun. It was my good bye time.
Tonight I said goodbye to the only thing that makes sense in my life. The only person that has always been there for me and has never let me down. The only person that I would give up everything for, even life itself. I dunno if it was jealousy b/c I'm in love with her and can't be with her. I don't know if it was fear b/c we've been the closest together now more then ever. All I know is that when I held her in my arms tonight and said goodbye to her, and I saw that tear in her eye b/c of me I felt a part of me inside die. Giving her up is giving up a part of me. I wanted to say forget it and just stay friends but I think its's best with some time apart. It may destroy us and we'll never talk again or it may make us stronger than ever. But seeing her all upset all I wanted to do was fix her broken heart but this time I can't b/c I was the one who broke it and I'm sorry. I tried to be strong when I walked away but I felt so much pain and emptyness that I broke into tears in her driveway. I love you with all my heart, waking up every morning thinking about you, us talking for hours on the phone, being perfect for each other, I know it has to mean somthing. I just hope that one day you'll see what it means. For now we'll go our separate ways and if it's truly destiny to be together forever then something will bring us back together. I'M SORRY AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. GOODBYE. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
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da_pimp_rabbit1's journal
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